還記得快二十年前了吧,台灣剛出現第一個同志廣播節目,雖然是在一家小電台的深夜兩點鐘時段播出,卻給當時的我莫大鼓舞。節目時段是在週間,隔天還要上班,但我總是特別開鬧鐘爬起來,熬夜聆聽那彌足珍貴的一小時節目。當時的悸動,就像在寒夜中,有人為我打開了一扇溫暖的門,為我打開了希望。
因為深深記得這份感覺,影響了我日後踏上的廣播之路,在麥克風前我永遠告訴自己要記得,一定會在哪一個角落,有我所不知道的聽眾,真的會因為我的一點點陪伴、因為我所傳達的一個理念、一個善意,而得到溫暖、得到力量,所以,這個工作是非常非常重要的。當初製作台灣第一個同志廣播節目的那一群前輩,他們會讀到這段話嗎?大概不會吧,但他們把愛的種子播種下去,卻已在他們不知道的地方發芽了。
曾經為了不想讓父母親因為我的同志身份受苦,而選擇過結束生命(現在當然知道完全不需如此),一直到自己居然能做到在書本裡面公開自己的同志身份與感情狀態,完整地活在陽光之下,繼而陸續聽到自己的書鼓舞了其他的同志朋友,這樣的人生太棒了!但這段路程,不是我一個人的勇敢可以做到的,要感謝許許多多曾經在一路上,示範給我勇氣、智慧和愛的人們,這其中除了許多同志前輩,更包括了能夠給同志打氣、甚至挺身為同志處境說話的非同志朋友。今天是第12屆台灣同志大遊行舉行的日子,剛好志工朋友也幫我翻譯完成了下面這一篇文章,這是很棒的巧合吧!就用它來作為個人對今日同志大遊行的一份小小獻禮。
《你的步履,讓人間多一條路》文/章成 《Your step makes the world a better place》 By Chang Cheng
人是感情的動物,受到氣氛的影響很大。我們在甚麼樣的氣氛裡,就只會做這個氣氛裡的事情。很多時候我們所認為的限制,其實只是一種氛圍,並不是說真的沒有選擇了。不在那個氛圍裡你就可以做出不一樣的事情,所以很多你以為自己做不到的事情,並非你真的做不到,而是你現在的想像跟視野帶給你的氣氛,讓你無法做到,那個做的自由是一直都存在的。 Humans are emotional creatures and easily influenced by the atmosphere. How does the atmosphere influence you? You can only do what you believe. In many cases, thinking that we are limited is itself an atmosphere factor; it does not mean you have no other choice. You can make a difference when you are not in the same ambience. Many things you thought were impossible to achieve was not that you cannot make it at all. However, your imagination and horizon make you think that you cannot do it. In fact, freedom of action is always there.
就像一個小孩在時空的經驗還未擴展前,當媽媽不在他的視線內,他就以為媽媽消失了,而產生很大焦慮的情緒,當然你會覺得現在的你不可能再這樣了,但當你長大之後面臨不同的困難,你還是會有恐懼的,然而要記住,這只是我們現在的生命格局,所產生的幻象,它不是真實的。 It was like a child has not been expanding his experience in space and time; as a mother was not within his sight, he thought his mother has disappeared, and this caused high anxiety. You will undoubtedly not react the same way, but you still have fears; however, remember it is just an illusion to the pattern of your present life. It is not real.
只是,如果有很多的人都活在同樣的氛圍裡,這個幻象就會變得彷彿很真實。譬如我們的文化都教導要結婚生子,我們的社會一直在強化這種生涯畫面,但很少去勾勒一個單身卻也能過得很盈滿的生活畫面。因為我們的社會缺乏單身生活的美好畫面,所以單身的人就會開始擔心,親朋好友也會加進來幫你強化這個擔心。然而,假如有一個人他是單身,但是他發展出屬於他的快樂生活形態,他去看一個因為單身而極度焦慮的人,就會覺得沒有必要如此。若你只能在主流社會所給你的選項中去選擇,你很難發揮開創性。每個人有不同的特質,人生也有很多變數,你不一定適合過著跟多數人一樣的人生,當你跟別人不一樣的時候,若你只能參考別人給你的畫面,你就會有很大的恐懼。 If many people are simply living in the same ambience, this illusion will become so real to us. For example, our culture has taught to get married and start a family. Also, our society has strengthened the picture of a career, but seldom gives a sketch of single people who can also lead productive and fulfilling lives. Because we lack a better view of an individual life in our society, single people start worrying, but their relatives and friends would help intensify the worry even more. In other words, if a person is single and creates a happy lifestyle, he or she would feel there is no need to be worried about being single. If you only pick-up options at the mainstream society, you can hardly play a pioneer. Everyone has different good qualities, and there are so many variables in life that makes it different from others. When you are not like other people in that you are only living someone else’s life, you will sense great fear.
其實,你來到地球,踏出了你的步履,就是為了讓人間多一條路可走的,想想這個吧,這對所有人都是很大的貢獻,加油吧。 In reality, you come to earth, step out, and walk to make the world better—there are more than one possible courses of action. Come to think of it; it is a great contribution to mankind. You can do it.