《原來這就是完美主義!解碼憂鬱症的高危險特質》
《This Is What Perfectionism Turns Out To Be! Decoding the Risk Factors for Depression》
有的人會有戲劇化的特質,恐懼來時會把它放得很大,然後自己就陷入很大的壓力,但是去參加心靈課程時,又會把療癒感誇張,好像很有療效,可是這也是一時的,等到一段時間過去,那個療癒感就消失了,自己又覺得空虛,那份恐懼又會漸漸襲來...。如果你的狀況有如上述,那麼你很可能具有完美主義的性格。
Some people have the personality trait of being dramatic. When fear comes, they tend to amplify it and then fall into great pressure. What’s more, they are prone to magnify the healing effects of spiritual courses, but the seemingly curative effects are also short-lived. As time goes by and the sense of healing fades out, they will feel empty again, with that fear arising bit by bit......If you have such experiences, chances are you may have a perfectionist personality type.
先解釋為什麼那種療癒感會消失?因為那份「療癒感」並非來自於自己真正的清楚,而是暫時透過外在所設計的情境,讓你切換到另一個頻道,去感受到另一種信念的美好。
Let me first explain why that sense of healing fades out. The reason is that that “sense of healing" originates not from your authentic clarity, but from the design situations which temporarily switch you to another channel to feel the beauty of another belief.
「清楚」則是指你對事情沒有因為自我封閉而來的「想望」(也就是貪嗔癡中的「痴」),看事情能夠客觀、多面。例如有的人會想像做某一份工作以後,這份工作能帶給自己怎樣的收入、怎樣的環境,可是通常真的踏入這個行業之後,才會體認到原來各行各業都有他不為人知的苦,不是以前自己羨慕的那樣。
"Clarity" refers to your "objectivity" and "diversity" in perspectives without the “ignorant craving” (namely, the “Ignorance" in Three Poisons--- “Greed, Hatred, Ignorance") derived from self-containment. For example, some may imagine the kind of income and environment a job can offer; however, only after years of practices will they realize the unknown difficulties of all trades and professions, which are totally different from what they used to envy.
有的人是因為自己過度的想像和浪漫,包裝成為自己努力的動力,才積極想去做某些事的(不是因為單純的愛),但也因為如此就常常看不到現實。所謂的「完美性格」,就是他是活在他所想像的美好裡面,但是卻跟周遭格格不入,發生很大的落差。
Some people show zeal for something out of their excessive imagination and romance (rather than simply a hobby), which are packaged to become the driving force for their endeavors; however, such cause prevents them from seeing the reality. The so-called "perfectionist personality type" is a person who lives in the ideal of his imagination, which is out of tune with his surroundings. There is a huge deviation between his imagination and surroundings.
其實有完美主義性格的人,他的命底常常不是開朗型的人,個性開朗、外向型的人很容易、也樂意去跟別人交流,他的特質就是「很多事沒有看那麼重」,這點雖然會讓他比較不會思考得那麼深,可是另一方面,他就比較願意去聽聽看不同的人怎麼說,比較容易聽進去人家說的東西,等到他把各種訊息綜合整理出來的時候,他就很快能夠轉變自己的身段、角度,會出現一般人想像不到的調整;再加上在這個過程中,他比較能夠五湖四海地跟別人建立互通的資源,所以他的「升官之路」就會比較快。有很多外向、陽光型的人,做業務都會比較成功,這並不是「外型」的關係而已,其實是因為個性不會把任何事看得太重,使得他們向四面八方學習的能力比較強。
In fact, people of perfectionist personality are often destined to be less broad-minded, and vice versa. A broad-minded extrovert will easily and cheerfully communicate with others, and his personality trait is "not taking things so seriously”. Although this trait makes his thoughts not so deep; but on the other hand, he is more willing to listen to what others have to say, and more open to accept what they say. After he has integrated all kinds of messages, he will soon be able to lower himself, change viewpoints, and make adjustment beyond imagination. Besides, in this process, he is more able to establish interoperability resources with people from everywhere, so his "Path of Promotion" will be easier. Many outgoing, sunny-natured people are more successful in sales; this is not just their "good looks" that matter. The reason is that they do not take things too seriously so that they are more able to learn from far and wide.
相對的,比較內向或「悶騷」的人,他的內向就會使得他的接觸面比較狹窄,給自己築一道牆去屏蔽掉很多跟自己不同的聲音,比如他的心裡常會想:「這個人跟我是不同世界,那就懶得跟他來往了」「那種樣子的人就不用跟他多說了」因為自己已經有一個自我設限在那裡,許多其他角度的聲音他就聽不到了,然而這些沒有聽到的角度往往正好是他需要的,因為缺乏這些,他就會一直在原地撞牆,無法達成心中的想望。
In contrast, introverts or persons with "suppressed passions" have narrower contacts, and they build a wall to shield themselves from different voices. For example, they tend to think, "This person and I are in different worlds. I do not feel like getting along with him." "I don't want to bother myself to have a word with that kind of persons." As a result of their self-handicapping, they simply cannot hear different voices. These unheard voices, nevertheless, are often exactly what they need. Without these different voices, they will always be repetitively hitting the wall, unable to achieve what they hanker in hearts.
而人都有「想要去創造、發揮些什麼」的能量,開朗的人因為比較有管道出頭,他就容易把這份能量用來創造;可是內向或悶騷的人,如果沒有辦法發揮才華,這份能量找不到出口,就會變形成喜歡挑剔、挑毛病的一股內在的驅迫力。
People all have the energy to “create or develop something”. It is easier for broad-minded people to use this energy for creation as they have more ways to stand out. However, if introverts or people with suppressed passions cannot bring out talents, this energy will have no outlet but to become an internal drive for being picky and fault-finding.
生性悶騷,又演變成喜歡挑毛病的話,這兩個條件加起來,就是罹患憂鬱症的高危險群!有非常大比例的憂鬱症患者,都是如此得到憂鬱症的。
For those who suppress passions by nature, and if they further evolve into fault-finders, they will have high risk for depression! Such is the process how a large proportion of victims come to suffer from depression.
那麼該怎麼辦才好呢?當然,性格不是一下子能改變的,一個人不太可能一下子就從內向變成開朗。但首先要好好去思考:你心裡面的那張理想的畫面,真的是真實世界裡面,可以那麼純粹地存在的嗎?還是只是你用來逃避的一個「洞穴」呢?開朗的人常常去跟身旁的人事物互動、交流,他生命的「弦」是比較跟周遭一切共振的,其實這是比較貼近「合一」的(當然這只是一個小的「合一」),可是一個陰鬱的人,他沒有辦法去跟別人交流,卻又看得到別人的缺點,對照到自己內心想像的完美,他就產生很大的衝突和抗拒,所以他是只想不麻煩地,跟自己想像的美好「合一」的喔!
What is the best thing to do, then? Personality, of course, is not something that can be changed overnight. An introvert is not likely to morph into a broad-minded person in one second. But first of all, think carefully: can the ideal picture in your mind exist solidly in the real world? Or is it just a "cave" for your escape? A broad-minded person often interacts and exchanges with people and things around him. The “chords" of his life resonate with everything in his surrounding; in fact, this is closer to "oneness" (and of course, just a small "oneness"). But a gloomy person has no way to communicate with others, but sees their shortcomings, which, compared with the perfection he imagines, will provoke lots of conflicts and resistance. Therefore, he simply wants to take no trouble and unify with his own sweet imagination!
這種狀況就彷彿一個人一直在想像自己活在月球,可是他真實的雙腳還是踏在地球上,一直在跟著地球轉的,可是地球又有好多事情讓他覺得好煩,於是他又更會去逃到他想像出來的「合一」裡面,有些宗教信仰,就在這時虛擬出了這個想像的「合一」,讓他逃進去(這裡不指涉任何特定宗派,而是在談基本的原理,請勿對號入座喔)。
Such situation is as if a person has been imagining living on the moon, but in fact his feet tread practically on the earth and he moves with the rotation of the earth. Since so many things on the earth make him annoyed, he flees to the "oneness" he has imagined. Some religious beliefs then virtualize this imaginary "oneness" for his escape. (Here we are not referring to any particular sect but presenting the basic principle. Please do not take it personally.)
開朗的人他一直在跟實際的世界交流、學習、調整他自己,他確實會更順遂、更圓融、無論智慧或財富都會更豐盛,他的能量就會一直往上擴展;可是一直只想跟自己的想像(理想)合一的人,他就會愈來愈封閉,本來還願意跟他講話的人,後來也會覺得他難搞,就逐漸疏遠他了,憂鬱症或躁鬱症的人,很多都有這種情形。
A broad-minded person has been communicating with and learning from the real world, and he never stops adjusting himself. Indeed, he leads a better and more balanced life. With greater wisdom and wealth, his energy will continue to expand upward. But he who has always wanted to be one with his own imagination (ideal) will become more and more isolated. Those who would have been willing to talk to him would later find him difficult and gradually alienate him. Many people with depression or bipolar disorder have such experiences.
他們都有他們想像的完美(應該)或美好,可是這裡面就是少了一樣東西,叫做「體諒」、或是叫做「慈悲」。
They all have their imagined (rightful) perfection or ideal, but there is one thing missing, and that is called "consideration" or "compassion".
何謂「體諒」或「慈悲」?就是當你看到你覺得層次不如你的人,你不會去關閉你和他之間的連結。其實,任何人都是你的「老師」,也就是都可以帶給你啟發的,只是你還沒有看到,但是你就已經下了定論了。
What is "consideration" or "compassion"? It is something you keep when you see someone you consider inferior, and you will not close the link in between. In fact, anyone can be your "teacher". That is, anyone can enlighten you. But before you can see it, you have made an abrupt conclusion.
一個坐辦公桌的人,如果能夠跟工人交流,他就會知道自己能舒適地坐在漂亮的辦公室裡,是因為有多少人在髒污中工作,點點滴滴的努力才能將髒污化為現在的美麗,當他能夠意識到這個,他跟工人就會有一種一體感,他就會知道什麼工作都很重要;甚至,他能夠在感謝中領悟到,所有的美麗都是來自於髒污,兩者本來就是合一----這個人生的大哲理。
An office clerk will understand the reason why he can sit comfortably in the beautiful office is that many work in dirt, and it takes bits and pieces to turn dirt into beauty——if he is able to communicate with workers. When he is conscious of this, he will have a sense of oneness with the workers, and he will realize that all work is important. Furthermore, he can grasp the great philosophy of life in gratitude ——that all beauty comes from dirt, both of which are inherently in oneness.
有一些心靈圈的人,除非他們跌得很慘,否則他們就是會一直躲在他們的烏托邦裡面,可是當他們用同一個烏托邦去連結在一起,相濡以沫時,就好像給了自己更安心的寄託了。他們在網路上會用同樣的語彙交流,彼此相知相惜,但是只要碰到有人提出跟這個烏托邦不合的東西,他們要不是立刻加以批判,就是閉起眼睛不聽不看不理。
Some people in spiritual circles, unless they fall badly, will keep hiding in their utopias. When they link together and help each other in the same utopia, they seem to offer themselves more reassuring sustenance. They use the same vocabulary for communication on the internet; they understand and cherish one another. But whenever someone comes up with something that is against this utopia, they will either criticize it at once or close their eyes and ears and ignore it.
然而,躲在烏托邦裡的人絕對會碰到他的功課。為什麼呢?因為在地球上,不是只有白天喔,也有黑夜。
However, the person hiding in utopia will surely encounter his lessons. Why? The reason is that there exists not only the day, but also the night on the earth.
當黑夜來臨時,他就會很苦,人家在黑夜裡就去休息,可以休息得很安穩,可是他就沒有辦法休息。白天已經在應付一堆事情,要耗損能量,現在連黑夜也無法休息,於是就變成蠟燭兩頭燒,燒到最後自己就愈來愈感覺到內在有一個快要發瘋的部分,不知道哪天就要控制不住自己了。
When the night comes, he will be suffering. Others go to rest in the dark night. They rest safe and sound, but he simply cannot rest. During the day he has been dealing with a lot of things. Exhausted, he cannot rest even at night. As a result, the candle burns at both ends. At last, he increasingly feels that part of him is going crazy, and he has no idea when he will lose control.
以上就是在講憂鬱症的始末,而這一切的原點就是「你心中有一個美好,可是當你在人生中被嚇到時,你就愈想愈害怕,同時也就會把那個美好愈想愈美好,然後你就躲到「美好」裡面去了」。
This is the whole story about depression, and the point of all is: "There is an ideal in your heart, but you get scared in life, which becomes even more scary as you dwell on it. At the same time, the ideal becomes even more beautiful as you dwell on it so that you would rather hide yourself in the 'beautiful ideal'."
其實你必須像佛陀一樣,真實地將雙腳踏在塵土中,去跟眾生交流,你才能真正在眾生的身上,看見「佛國世界」的願景;如果不是這樣,你就剛好在走相反的路,反而是掉入地獄中去了,你執著的「完美」反而導致你走上一個變成鬼的歷程(例如所謂的「正義魔人」)。
In fact, you must, like Buddha, put your feet solidly in the dust and communicate with all sentient beings. Then you can truly see the prospect of the "World of Buddha" through all sentient beings. If not, you'll be simply walking on the opposite side of the path and falling into hell. Your obsession with perfection will lead you to the process of becoming a ghost (such as the so-called "Righteous Demons").
我們必須經常去跟別人交流、願意去瞭解別人的處境和思想,由於我們不採取封閉的措施,我們就會透過這些接觸去反省自己、去調整和奉獻,那麼我們就會成長。當你一直採取切割、批判、隔離或關閉時,你就危險了。
We must often communicate with others and be willing to understand their situations and thoughts. As we do not isolate ourselves, we will examine, adjust and devote ourselves through these contacts. Then we will grow. When you have been severing, criticizing, isolating or closing, you are in danger.
你心中的美好,可以變成你自己努力的動力,卻不能變成你對現實的批判和拒絕,你要在現實中找到途徑去改善你的實相,讓它變得更好。
The ideal in your heart can become the driving force of your efforts, but it cannot become your critique and rejection of the reality. You must find a way to improve your reality in the real world and make it better.
真正有能力的人是:生活在廢墟時,他會找出一個花瓶,插上一朵鮮花,告訴自己就從這裡開始幹起!
The people who are truly capable are: while living in ruins, he will find a vase, put in a flower, and tell himself to start from here!
「願意改變現狀一點點」這就脫離完美主義了,這就是完美主義者一直討厭去做的事。可是當你願意去「讓現狀有一點點改變」,這個正是最珍貴的「回頭是岸」,這樣就對了。
The willingness "to change the status quo a little bit" will get one out of perfectionism. This is what perfectionists always hate to do. But when you are willing to “change the status quo a little bit", this is the most precious “Return to Good". This is the right thing to do.
例如你是一個重度的憂鬱症患者,有件小事可以讓你改善一點點,你願意接受這個目標,願意說「好,我不嫌它小,我來做做看」,這就是回頭是岸了。透過這些「做對的小事」的累積,就像高鐵開始慢慢加速,雖也要從零開始漸漸啟動,但到後來卻是可以突飛猛進的,而你在這個腳踏實地的過程裡面,就會開悟到真正的「神」。
Suppose you suffer from severe depression. There is one little thing you can do to improve. And that is, you are willing to accept this goal and willing to say, "Well, I don't mind anything trivial. Let me give it a try." This is what it means by “Return to Good”. The accumulation of doing these "correct little things" is like the gradual acceleration of high-speed rail. Although both need to start from zero, and yet in the end there can be tremendous progress. And you will be enlightened to real “God" in this down-to-earth process.
圖說:巴黎凡爾賽宮